Animal Poetry

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A Lizard's Tail
Bless this Mouse!
Arty the Cat
Chiswick's High Society
The Church of St Bunnies!

A Lizard’s Tail.

Lizzy the Lizard

thought swimming was wizard,
and she loved to lie by the pool.
And as she flashed her tail
at every male
she turned them all into fools!

But it was Norman the Newt

(actually a bit of a lounge lizard himself!)
all dressed in sharp suit
who was struck by her charms most of all.
So he took her to dinner
and ended up winner
and gave her a ring beautiful.

So they just couldn’t wait
from that very first date
to hop into bed and have fun
nd they dreamed of the day
when they’d be married and say
‘I do’ on a beach in the sun.

But Norm’s love was so zealous,

that he got very jealous
when he learned that she’d kissed men before.
He got very distracted
when he knew she attracted
other frogs and newts by the score!

For it was Freddy the Frog

with whom she’d had her first snog,
under a stone by the pool.
And although it was brief
as she lay on a leaf
she thought it was terribly cool.

So poor Norm he got sad

and terribly mad
at Freddy for stealing a kiss
and thought of a plan
to shoot the poor man
from a place where he
just couldn’t miss.

So the feud it was bitter

and although we may titter,
a newt in a rage is not fun.
Especially so, when to shop
he did go
to purchase a powerful gun.

So Norm lay in wait

by the old garden gate
until Freddy the Frog
came in sight.
Then he took up his aim
meaning only to maim,
but he shot and killed him
that night.

So he rushed off to Lizzy

and explained what he’d done
And said we must run far away.
Let us not tarry
but make haste to marry
and he carelessly threw down the gun.

So Lizzy the lizard

and Norman the newt,
leapt on a boat
and sailed off to Bute.
And this odd looking pair
were married right there
and drank lots of fizzy to boot.

Then they went to the hotel

That was made out of shells
Checked in
and went up to their suite.
But Norm was unsteady
as he tried to get ready,
while Lizzy turned up the heat!

And lizzy did laugh

as she lay in the bath
and rubbed lavender soap
on her skin.
But Norman got drunk
as he unpacked his trunk
that was heavily laden with gin.

But as he lay on the floor

and kept asking for more
he knew all the while he was done.
And he knew by his sin
all was terribly grim
and that night he would
never have fun.

Now poor Lizzy was shocked

as she pulled off his socks,
but saw it was useless to try.
So she opened a bottle
s she wanted to throttle
poor Norman,
but started to cry.

So poor Lizzy got dizzy

from far too much fizzy
and collapsed in a heap on the floor.
But just as she fell
there was a ring of the bell
and a very loud knock at the door.
Then in came a cop
who had caught them on the hop,
with a warrant so very secure.

So as Norman woke up,

still in his cups,
(or indeed still drunk as a newt!)
he knew the Police would not fail.
So the newt was arrested,
although he protested,
and now he is living in jail.

Bless this Mouse!
(For an Animal Blessing Service)

Let us happily greet

every creature we meet
and with positive attitude
extend our gratitude
to our Lord,
the giver of life.

Let us bless the wood lous,

the lowly field mouse.
The fox and the bat,
the cat and the rat,
cause they all have a place
in God’s heavenly grace
and are worthy of note,
however remote
it may seem, on occasions like this.

And if this garden were big

then a cow or a pig
might be welcome to play
with us all here today.
Bless the dog and the frog,
the toad in the road
and let’s not forsake
the common grass snake.

And I must confirm

that even the worm,
who makes us squirm,
deserves dedication
as we give our oblations.
And would St Francis ignore
an ant at the door?

And as Robin Redbreast
takes a well deserved rest
in his sweet little nest,
may we beg his pardon
for using his garden,
God’s other creatures to bless.

And will mole underground,

think thoughts profound
as his over-ground
mound, we surround.
And the weasel and ferret
all have their merit.

And should we include
the beetle and crow?
And even the rabbit
who makes it a habit
to eat all the carrots we grow!

Can we possibly guess
what creatures he’ll bless,
as God pours out his grace
from somewhere in space
to give such joy
to the whole human race?

So to all things that fly,
that do creep and do crawl,
let us join with our Lord
and say “Bless em all”!

Arty the Cat.( A real party animal!)

Arty the cat, was ginger, and sat
on his own little bed in the lawn.
Then he started a trend
of inviting his friends
and the partying cat he was born.

The parties were cool,
as a general rule
and there was one for each year of his age.
And each year people came,
in sunshine or rain,
cause they thought they
were all of the rage!

I will recount just one
when they really had fun
and made Arty a legend at once.
They drank far too much booze
as they all did amuse
each other with jokes over lunch.

Then they had fancy dress
and made a terrible mess
of the kitchen and garden to boot.
Cause they invited a fox
wearing colourful socks,
with a gun, with which he did shoot.

They had Daniel the Spaniel,
which wasn’t so wise,
cause he gave all the cats
such a nasty surprise.
For cats and dogs
are like oil and water
and they do not mix,
even if they oughter!

Then someone brought on
a caterwauling tom,
with a jazz band who
played with such zest.
So they danced and they wailed
but catastrophically failed
to each sing in tune with the rest.

Then said Arty “I see,
a bird in that tree;
I wonder if we all can catch it.
If all of us try, before it does fly,
we just might be able to match it”.

“And before you all grouse,
yes, we do have a mouse,
if all you want is some sport.
So let’s chase the young mouse
all round the house
until the poor blighter is caught”.

But as the years all went by,
and gosh, they did fly,
the parties got more and more sober.
And as Arty grew old
and somewhat less bold,
his dancing years they were over.

But he still had folks round
and refused to lie down,
but of nine lives
he only had seven.
Now poor Arty has gone
and we can’t hear his song.
For his parties
are all now in heaven.

Chiswick’s High Society.

It’s Chiswick dogs that rule OK,

here at Homefields day by day.
Come and meet a lively crowd,
but be prepared they are very loud!

In between a barking match

they sometimes have a little scratch,
or leap about or dig or run,
but always, always, having fun.

They run and they chase,

all over the place,
and they’re terribly
goofy and sloppy.
They jump and they bark
and its all such lark,
but no-one gets stroppy with poppy!

Now here comes Leanne,
flying around.
A great grey greyhound
who makes no sound.

And here comes Basil,
just like a train.
No doubt he’s after
those biscuits again!
And Ollie too has got the drift,
as he gives the biscuit man a sniff.
And the biscuits source?
Why, it’s Simon of course!

And now comes Clare,
with Fung in tow.
With his tennis ball to throw,
back and forth,
Fung has no fears.
So up and down
go spaniel ears!

And here comes Wendy,

looking cool.
With racy Gracie
like a kid out of school!
And look its Frankie,
full of bounce,
his best friend, Oscar, to announce,
to all the waiting gang around
making lots of joyful sound.

Then there’s Tilly and Toby,

Murphy and Moll,
Bugsy and Dolly
and Lulu and all.

Now Watch Hector deflect

an amorous glance,
from shady ladies
who would love to advance.
But like all good Cavaliers
he knows he’s a king.
But he might let one of them
give him a ring!

Romance abounds

for they know not sin.
And Merlin’s just brought
his new girlfriend in!
But if it gets too much
and they never will stop,
then they had better watch out
cause they might get the chop!

So the time has come

to head off home.
To eat a big breakfast,
a biscuit or bone.
Then it’s sleep till the evening
and fun time calls.
Because Chiswick’s High Society
are having a ball!

The Church of St. Bunnies!

(Dedicated to all those souls who valiantly attend Church meetings!)

At the Church of St Bunnies,

the meetings are funny.

Let us eavesdrop and see what goes on!

 *****************       

Here comes hedgehog over the hill

bearing his briefcase on top of his quills
“Good morning rabbit”, he cheerfully calls
as they turned up together
at St Bunnies Church Hall.

A pastoral ‘pastoral committee’ no less,

if they’d just work together,
it would really be blessed.

So they all tripped in,

one at a time.
There was hedgehog
and rabbit,
looking sublime.
Then ferret and mole
and newt and toad,
who was all out of breath,
cause he’d run down the road.
And finally fox,
who was also the chair,
which rabbit and toad
thought was very unfair.

So well attended,

these Church meetings are.
And all of them desperately
trying to be star!

Fox brings out the agenda,

thankfully short,
for people will talk
far more than they ought!

But weasel is clever
and through his endeavour
he slips one iat the end. 
And all had the hope
they’d be able to cope
if this started a terrible trend!

Then rat had a dream

for a hare-brained scheme
which he’d told several times before.
So half an hour later
this great hot potater
was put on ice once more.

Then it’s cleaning the gutters

and mending the roof.
And poor bat has gone batty
and cat stays aloof.

And item 4 poor toad deplores

and is ever so desperate
to head for the door.
But mole and ferret
go rabbitting on
about plans for refurbishment
and singing of songs.

Then vole interrupts

to tell of his scheme,
to use all the Church funds
to clean up the stream.
But that causes uproar
and a terrible din
and hedgehog gets up
and boldly chips in,
“but there are poor folk out there
with whom we should share
not squander on water
that’s very unfair.”

So what should they do?

Oh what a furore.
Nobody there
was certain or sure,
till up piped hamster
with a mischievous grin,
“Let’s ring the prayer line
and see if he’s in!”

But three hours later

and no let up it seems.
And poor mouse is tired
and just wants to scream.

So round and round in circles

they went.
But at least, it seems
they had all given vent
to the righteous feelings
they all had in store.
But with every minute
it got nearer to war.

But fox he was crafty

and certainly not daft, he.
So he called for peace in the ranks
“Lets remember we’re brothers
Lets love one another…”
and for this they all gave great thanks.
So their hearts they did blend,
as their love they did send,
and they gave one another a kiss.
And as fox said a prayer
from his uncomfortable chair,
the meeting it ended in bliss!